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While we all know that cultivating an attitude of gratitude is a part of living our most joyful life, how can we authentically do this when we are less than grateful? Feeling ashamed or guilty about the “real” nature of our feelings, or pretending to be thankful for what we would have very much preferred to say “NO thank you” to in our lives gets in the way of happiness and creativity. What if your heart is broken? What if you are in terrible pain without relief in sight? What if you have received terrifying news that has changed your life in an even more awful way? Even with all the joyful self-help gurus and happy, shiny, advanced yogi specialists beaming at you from their glossy magazines promising peace and abundance for all your expressions of gratitude, and even as much as you wish to crawl into their tie-dyed yoga pants and bask in the bliss of all that they proclaim and stand for, the truth is that when your life is going to Hades in a hand basket…….well, no matter how thin you slice it, it’s still baloney.

But, if you are reading this, you DO have something to be grateful for. This something does not, in any way, diminish however awful things are for you right now. As the Buddha taught us, suffering is a part of the human existence. We suffer because we desire things to be anything other than what they are right now. We suffer because we are afraid, when things are wonderful, that we will lose that fabulous feeling. Therefore, we know that our suffering can exist at the same time as our one thing that we always have to be grateful for. What is this one thing that is ever-present? Breath. Yes, if you are reading this or even aware enough to listen to someone else who can read it to you, then you have this one thing that you can be grateful for in this moment.

You don’t have to pretend that all the suffering isn’t there. Well, at least, don’t pretend on my account! I don’t even own a single pair of tie-dyed yoga pants for you to covet or crawl into. (Although, if anyone reading this is inclined, I would absolutely LOVE a pair!) I’m suggesting that there is a way to cultivate gratitude even when all hope is lost. The beauty of observing the breath and being genuinely thankful that it is with you, of you, and through you, is that you create a little hope and space where there just didn’t seem like any could be found or made. No, all your problems aren’t solved. But, the subtle shift may be just the little miracle you need. If not, you were taking those breaths anyway and so nothing gets lost through your effort.

I was recently reading a book about the subtle body by Tias Little. I randomly opened it to a page with a breathing exercise that described the lungs as an upside down tree with the branches (lung tissue) towards the earth and the roots in the upper palate/roof of the mouth. I love this visualization because, in Chinese subtle body mapping, the color of the liver energy is green. In Hatha yoga chakras, green is the color of the heart-chakra. Therefore, when we breathe in, we can grow green leaves and fill the branches of our respiratory tree making it more and more lush with each in-breath. As you exhale, you can feel those roots reach towards the crown of your head and pull up on the roof of your mouth. There is actually a pleasure center of the brain that is located right above the upper palate of the mouth. When you exhale, the palate lifts and stimulates this center. Thinking about this tree helped me stay focused on the breath in a very powerful way. When I am very upset, using a strong visual tool like this helps me stay present with the breath. Otherwise, my mind tends to wander and feed my sadness, fear, or pain. Sure, when times are calm and good we can be aware of the in-breath, breathing in, and aware of the out-breath, breathing out. But, in times of chaos and confusion, using visualization can mean the difference between a nourishing and a frustrating practice.

Please do not feel that accessing these few moments of peace require that you deny the reality of your sufferings. Feel all your feelings, know what is true for you, and be authentic in your expression and communication! All the while, know that you can also create a sanctuary of peace and beauty through the practice of breath awareness. Although the in and out nature of the breath happens without your explicit effort, you can still find some gratitude in the presence of breath. How lovely to feel and hear the breath coming in! How amazing to be able to feel the release of the breath and all that is no longer needed! It is happening right now.

Posted by Sharon Fennimore, a yogini, teacher, and writer based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Find out more here.

[I said to Suzuki Roshi,] “I could listen to you for a thousand years and still not get it. Could you just please put it in a nutshell? Can you reduce Buddhism to one phrase?”…He was not a man you could pin down, and he didn’t like to give his students something definite to cling to. He had often said not to have “some idea” of what Buddhism was. But Suzuki did answer. He looked at me and said, “Everything changes.”

~David Chadwick

For the past 24-hours, here in Pittsburgh we have been bathed in the light of the sun through clear blue skies. I feel the sun in the fluids of my body and, all of a sudden, my dreams seem possible. When you live in a place that offers shades of gray (and not in the exciting way) for most days of the year, the light of the sun brings profound shifts in conciousness. This shift is welcomed because it is warm, light and inspiring. As much as this change in season from cold and dark to warm and light is welcomed, the truth is that at the end of last summer I welcomed the cooler air. The abundance of heat had become stifling and I desired a shift towards cooler breezes and an internal retreat. Therefore, it is neither cool or warm that is desired in and of itself, but rather the energetic shifts that come with those changes.

It is curious to me that I can see how these shifts in temperature and light and energies related to the seasons are important to my well-being, creativity and mind-body, but I hold on so tightly to so many things. I worry about losing things. I am terrified to lose people, either through death or natural shifts in relationships of all kinds. My dog is very old. She is such a sweet and loving soul and sometimes I feel my heart breaking just a little, tiny bit, even while she is still alive and well because I know this can’t go on forever. My clients are terrified by global warming, their mortality, their mental and physical health concerns. I feel my own suffering and that of others so deeply. All of these sufferings and fears are rooted in my inability to embody the wisdom presented by Suzuki Roshi, “everything changes”. When things are “good”, I am already suffering because I know that they will change and I wish I could hold onto that “good”. When things are “bad”, I forget that they won’t walways be that way and I identify with that darkness as if it will go on forever.

A few days ago, I was standing outside of a building and a woman appeared who was searching for a medical office, but it seemed like she was at the wrong address. I had my phone with me and offered to use Google maps to search for the address and see where it was in relationship to where we were and as I searched, she told me a little bit about her story. You see, she was going to have her second open heart surgery in the next week and she needed to see a dentist before the surgery. Somehow, she used to have dental insurance, but her health plan was switched without her knowing it and she no longer had insurance. She was rushing around and trying to get the pre-surgical care she needed and she was upset and scared. On top of her concerns about her health and having to recover from having her “chest cut open again”, she didn’t know how she was going to pay for the dentist and now she couldn’t even find the dentist that had agreed to see her without insurance. This is not healing. This woman needed to be cared for, nourished and soothed. I wanted to sit with her in a calm and beautiful place and help her visualize a healing surgery followed by an uncomplicated recovery. I wanted to sit with her around lush greenery and nature so that the color of the heart chakra, green, was surrounding her and she could breathe it in. I didn’t want her to worry about the dentist or how she would pay for it or the pain. It’s so easy for us to become completely absorbed by our own story and our own suffering that we forget that everyone is also experiencing these cycles of suffering. Everyone. No matter how much money you have, resources, education, or fancy shoes that match your suits……..it simply doesn’t prevent change.

My students know that I have been working with a gatha (meditative poem) by Thich Nhat Hanh for the past year and I believe it is the perfect way to work with this energy of suffering around change or to release attachment to change that is perceived as beneficial. This poem brings a sense of equanimity.

Breathing in, I calm my body. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

In his book of guided meditations, The Blooming of a Lotus (1993), Thich Nhat Hanh provides this same gatha with breathing instructions for each part of the poem:

Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Breathing in, I dwell in the present moment.
Breathing out, I know this is a wonderful moment.

In short:

Breathing in: CALM

Breathing out: SMILE

Breathing in: PRESENT MOMENT

Breathing out: WONDERFUL MOMENT

I hope you will find this simple poem and breathing practice as helpful as I do in bringing peace and equanimity into this moment regardless of our circumstances. It is in this state of equanimity that we can also be compassionate to all other living beings as they navigate their changes.

Written by Sharon Fennimore, a yoga and meditation instructor and women’s health coach based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Please join my online community MAKE ROOM and learn how to meditate for clarity and peace. I’d so very much be delighted to have you join us!

Tag: moment

Attitude of Gratitude? Not so much.