Tag: kindness

Pounding On An Open Door

April 21, 2016

Posted by Sharon

“How long will you keep pounding on an open door, begging someone to answer?” ~Rabia

As soon as I read this quote, I knew it was a question I needed to deeply consider. It was illuminating to read this because I immediately visualized myself pounding furiously on the open door of life hoping that someone would arrive to help me find my way through. Yet, there is no need to pound on the door, to kick, scream, beg or demand because the door is already open. You can walk through, just as you are, right now.

According to the Bhagavad Gita, “There has never been a time when you and I have not existed, nor will there be a time when we will cease to be. Therefore, play the role you’re meant for right now.” It’s so hard to accept this in the busy, fast paced life of self-improvement projects that we all live in right now. My clients all present various anxieties and fears that they are, at the same time, doing too much and missing a certain joyful quality in their lives that they are certain “should” be there and not doing “enough”—to be good partners, good parents, good employees, good citizens of the world. We are overwhelmed with the sense that something is amiss and that we don’t have a right to just walk through the door and experience the joy that is being alive. So, we improve ourselves and pound and kick away at the door only to find that there is no bell because there is no one to receive us.

A month or so back, I was attending a Quaker meeting and someone rose and quoted Micah 6:8 from the bible: “He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?”. Ever since then, the word “kindness” has been coming up for me absolutely everywhere. Later that same Sunday, I was in the library and the first book I saw was this little, almost pamphlet sized book by Ajahn Brahm called “Kindfulness”. I checked a book called “Love Kindness” by Barry H. Corey out of the library. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that cultivating kindness was part of my divine life journey. Later in the same meeting, someone stood and told a story about how they were really pleased when the principal of their child’s new school asked that all students have respect for one another and their teachers during the orientation, but she thought that what they should really offer one another was kindness. Kindness, she went on to say, is what is due to all humans, no matter what. Respect, on the other hand, is earned. I found this to be profound. We do not have to earn kindness and we should not ask anyone else to earn kindness from us either.

How are all these things linked? Well, honestly, I don’t know. For me, reading is a part of my practice. When these types of ideas present themselves to me through my spiritual life, in my readings, and in my daily life, I try to pay attention. Even on a surface level, I have to believe that expressing ourselves authentically, walking right through that open door and being gentle and kind to all the other people we meet is a path to great joy for ourselves and everyone that we meet. How do we get the courage and grace to do this? Practice. It takes a lot of practice so that we have compassion for ourselves and others, so that we are aware and so we are mindful of our power to take actions that either improve or decrease the quality of life for everyone we come into contact with. For today, no matter what your circumstances, offer at least five strangers your brightest and deepest smile. Tell at least someone you know something that they do that you are truly grateful for or just tell someone that you notice them and all that they do. Release your narrative in a relationship and just give your special someone a hug and tell them that you are so happy they are there—because, yes, they probably press your buttons and shrunk your favorite sweater and can’t help but burn toast every morning—but what is most important, is their beautiful presence, the light they shine in your life, your house, your family. I am convinced that offering everything with “kindfulness” will not only profoundly improve my quality of life, but it is a step towards peace in my house, in my community and my world.

Written by Sharon Fennimore, a yogini teaching yoga, meditation and providing integrative health coaching services to women and families with young children based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Join my online community Make Room!

A Precious Human Life

July 14, 2015

Posted by Sharon

Everyday, think as you wake up,
Today I am fortunate to have woken up. I am alive,
I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it.

I am going to use all of my energies to develop myself,
To expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment
For the benefit of all beings.

I am going to have kind thoughts towards others.
I am not going to be angry, or think badly about others.
I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

~HH The XIVth Dalai Lama

Keep Your Unkind Words to Yourself

September 6, 2011

Posted by Sharon

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Walk silently.

I read this today on a sign indicating appropriate behavior while in the hallway at my son’s elementary school. When I read it the first time, it made sense to me. I’m sure that I was trained in the same way and have probably seen this message infinite times in my own elementary school and other institutional experiences and beyond. But, the more I looked at the sign, the less I was sure of what it meant. In my experience, this means, don’t make noise when you walk in the hall. But, how do I know this? Walk silently actually means something very different depending on the context.

There are other messages on other signs. One of those messages is that students should “Keep their unkind words to themselves.” Again, upon initial reading, I immediately knew what this meant. It means that I shouldn’t call anyone a Poopy Head, you know, at least to their face. But, again, the more I saw this message, the less I was sure of what this really meant.

I was even less sure of what it meant when I happened to walk by the lunch room on my way to my son’s classroom and heard a lunch aid yelling at a student who had walked up to her and asked for help because their hands were full of too much hand sanitizer. She said, “You took too much soap. Don’t you have soap in your house?” Seems that someone hasn’t been reading the signs in the hall! First of all, it wasn’t soap, it was foaming hand sanitizer. Second of all, it is not beyond my imagination that this child had never used a dispenser for foaming hand sanitizer before. Third of all, the implication that perhaps this child did not maintain hygiene at home and therefore was ignorant on how to use the sanitizer at school wasn’t very kind.

So, on the third day of school, this poor child was berated for having too much hand sanitizer on his hands. I wanted to walk loudly (if you can walk silently, you can also walk loudly!) right into the lunch room with a paper towel and help that child remove the hand sanitizer. Then, I wanted to use some of the hundreds of unkind words that had immediately come to mind when I watched that Pittsburgh Public School employee talk with complete lack of respect or empathy to that dear child.

What I know is that you can put up all the signs in the world, but the best way to lead these children will be by example. We must show them that compassion is possible and makes the world a better place to live for everyone. It feels really good to be compassionate and express empathy and kindness to one another. We can learn to be loud in our silence and have so many kind thoughts that there is little room for the unkind words.

In our yoga practice on the mat, we first learn awareness. The first time that we sit on our mat and wait for class to begin, we become aware of the hundreds of thoughts, ideas and feelings that travel across our mind in a single moment. Some of those thoughts are unkind and we may, at the end of a long day, have myriad unkind words for our family members and colleagues. But, our practice shows us that it isn’t a sign that should keep us from expressing these unkind words. Our practice brings us to a space where we notice that our thoughts and feelings are constantly in flux. Our unkind words in this moment are no more or less true than the kind words that we might have for the very same person on a different day or in different circumstances. As a matter of fact, after calming the body and mind in a yoga class, we might find that all the unkind words are gone anyway as the intensity of the passion of experience has faded.

What I wish for this lunch aid and all the children and teachers and administrators in my son’s school is awareness. Awareness that they live and work in community. Awareness that their feelings and experiences are important, but always changing and shifting. Awareness that we all make choices in how we express ourselves and that these choices impact other people.

On your mat, the next time that you practice, soften your face and tongue. Relax the muscles behind your eyes and soften your inner ears. Feel the expressed and unexpressed unkind words you carry within you. Free yourself slowly by breathing into the unkind spaces and exhaling the unkind. Let you body relax and watch the breath as you free yourself slowly of unkind words. As you practice, catch yourself if you start to think anything but the kindest thoughts about yourself. Forgive yourself for all the times you used too much soap, forgot to sort the laundry, used the wrong color pen, took the subway in the wrong direction and wore different socks. Once you feel better, offer some forgiveness to everyone else.

Tonight, in my practice, I’m going to forgive the lunch aid. It’s a start.

Compassion and Generosity

April 15, 2011

Posted by Sharon

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For those of you who live in Pittsburgh and use public buses regularly for transportation, you know that the last week has been a nightmare. At all times of day and night the buses are crowded and most service that we had come to depend on every 15-20 minutes is now only coming once every hour. Many bus drivers are frustrated and exhausted and riders are squished and even riders that have no business standing and hanging on for dear life are being asked to do so. With the reduction in service, many buses are too crowded to stop and pick up new passengers along the route. As I looked out the window when we passed stops by there were literally ten to twenty people waiting at these stops who would now have to wait 30-minutes to an hour for the next bus with absolutely no guarantee that one might come that would actually be able to stop and pick them up.

I am currently 30+ weeks pregnant and was riding the bus with my four year old son last weekend since I had promised him a trip to the library. It was the middle of the day on a Sunday and we got onto a very crowded bus. One person in the front got up to give us their seat and I had my preschool age son sit down and I stood in front of him. The way the seat hit him in the back of the legs caused his legs to “fall asleep” during the ride and when we got up to push our way out of the bus his little legs buckled under him and by the time we made it off the bus he was complaining that his knee hurt. We had to go into a drug store for something and, by that point, my son was loudly insistent that his knee hurt VERY MUCH. Upon inspection it was clear to me that it was related to the seat on the bus and would be relieved in a few minutes since the cause of the problem had been removed.

About 5-minutes later, a man wearing exceptionally filthy clothing and pushing around a small cart of equally filthy belongings came up to me in the drug store. In one of his hands, he held out a damaged children’s toy that had, in its day of new glory, probably been a plastic jeep car of some kind, but was now a three-wheeled go cart without doors or a roof—-just the base and three-wheels remained. The man said to me, “Your little boy’s knee is hurt? Would this help him feel better?” I was so shocked that all I could come up with was, “Oh, no, we couldn’t take your car! Thank you so much, but his knee will feel better in just a minute.” But after we left the store, all I could think about was the incredible human capacity for compassion and generosity that is possible regardless of our perceived or actual economic resources.

Here I was, completely self-absorbed in my clean clothes with my floral Vera Bradley purse working through my frustration at having had to wait for a bus and be so inconvenienced by the uncomfortable ride while I searched the shelf for allergy medicine that I could afford to buy for my child and this man, who appeared to have nothing—certainly, he had less resources than I did at that moment—offered both his compassion for my son’s pain and an extension of a gift of all he had. My response was to refuse the physical gift, but the extension of compassion and this generous offer are gifts that will remain with me for a very long time.

So many of us think that we don’t have anything to offer, when, at any given moment, we are given infinite opportunities to extend compassion and generosity to the people around us. While making donations to organizations and individuals who are doing important work in our community and around the world have their place, if we do not have the financial resources to make these kind of donations, there are still opportunities to give and to improve the lives of other people. A kind word, an offer of help, giving your seat on a crowded bus, or an extension of the resources that you do have without any selfish intent—–these are gifts that we can all give to one another.

Research shows that meditation that includes the extension of compassionate thoughts and wishes, even to complete strangers and on a large scale such as an intention for the happiness of “all living beings” has a profound impact on the shape of our brains and, ultimately, our own health. This is not to suggest that we should be compassionate only to reduce our own emotional and inflammatory response to stress, but there truly are benefits to all living beings, including ourselves, when we make this a part of our practice. Instead of thinking that we have very little to offer, we can delight in the fact that being alive gives us myriad opportunities to explore the gift of compassion regardless of our economic status, career choice or lifestyle. Even better news is that every breath we take is a new opportunity, a refresh button of sorts, and a chance to take this moment to improve the experience of all living beings.

Post by Sharon Fennimore Rudyk, an independent yoga and meditation instructor in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Find out more about comprehensive meditation and stress reduction programs on Sharon’s website.

It’s Not About the Place

January 24, 2011

Posted by Sharon

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Dear Yoga Matrika Community:

At the end of April, almost four-years ago, I opened Yoga Matrika as a studio at 1406 S. Negley Avenue. At the time, my son was just an infant and I had newly returned to Pittsburgh after 17-years of roaming in various cities in the United States and countries in Asia. In these few years, Yoga Matrika has truly developed from a yoga studio into a beautiful community. This community has offered consistent support and encouragement both in the healing work that I am committed to doing and in my personal life. Since opening Yoga Matrika, I have experienced kindness and generosity and developed relationships that have enriched my life in ways that I could not have predicted. This work would not have been possible without the dedication and commitment of hundreds of students to this mindful and healing practice of yoga and meditation.

Although I may have opened Yoga Matrika, I have not acted alone. Our community has had the benefit of the dedication and the selfless efforts of so many teachers, both past and present, who gave their hearts and shared the wisdom of their own practice and training for the benefit of the physical and spiritual development of this community. These teachers have made many personal sacrifices over the years—the sacrifice of time with their own young children and, for many, the sacrifice of the financial income that would have come with teaching at a larger or more established studio. I would be remiss if I didn’t express incredible gratitude here for my husband who, only out of his love for me and commitment to my happiness, renovated both of the spaces that have been home to Yoga Matrika. He has shoveled, replaced light bulbs, taken out the garbage and completed hundreds of tasks on a daily basis to make sure that we all had a safe and comfortable place to practice. Not to mention the hundreds of hours of high quality solo-parenting he has done so that I could go to school, work and run this business over the past couple of years.

As many of you know, I am expecting and due to have a baby this summer. Knowing that it would be impossible to manage the studio and maintain the space over the summer and as I move forward as the mother of a newborn and another young child, I was forced to make the very difficult decision to close Yoga Matrika. The last classes held at Yoga Matrika, 6520 Wilkins Avenue, will be Saturday, February 26, 2011. This is the bad news. The good news is that Yoga Matrika ceased being “just a place” a long time ago. I will continue to teach group classes at a variety of locations through the city and hope that these will offer value and convenience so that we can continue to practice and work together. I am available for private, small group and corporate yoga by appointment and will continue with my childbirth education programs and teacher training programs. In addition, all of the teachers at Yoga Matrika teach at other locations in the city and I encourage you to support other studios and your favorite teachers and continue your practice. I will list all of the instructor information on the Yoga Matrika website so you can easily contact and locate your favorite teachers. Information about my classes moving forward from March 1, 2011 will continue to be available on this website. You will continue to be able to use the web scheduler to pay for classes with me with a credit card and to enroll in classes online. It is my intention to teach group classes at least until the beginning of June when I will most likely take 2-3 months off for maternity leave.

The financial aspects of the closure will be handled as responsibly as possible. I have outlined how class packages, memberships and registrations will be handled below. From now until the studio closes, we are not selling any additional packages and you can only purchase tuition for single classes. There is also a $50 unlimited pass that is valid for unlimited classes between January 18 and February 20 ONLY. It will remain available for purchase, but please make sure that you will be able to take a minimum of 4-classes before February 20th so that the fee is worth your while. Otherwise, please just pay for the drop-in fees. The cost for single classes is: $15 adults and $10 for full time students.

How can you continue to support this community and me personally through this transition?

First, it is always meaningful to receive feedback on what Yoga Matrika has meant to you personally. I cherish all of the positive messages I have already received and assure you that I save these and they are a part of the permanent record of the studio.
Second, if you are open to offering some testimonials that I can use on the website and in promotional materials, please send me those. These are incredibly valuable and help potential students and private clients make their decisions about teachers. Please make sure that you label anything you send me as private communication or as a statement or story that you are willing to share.
Third, please continue to practice yoga with me and other teachers that you have met through Yoga Matrika. Even if it means going a little out of your way or discovering a new neighborhood, your efforts to continue your practice with us will be greatly appreciated.
Finally, there is a Paypal donation button at the very bottom of this page. If you feel generous and inclined, your donations will go towards the costs related to the closure of this studio and towards the deposits required to rent space moving forward. As we are not a non-profit organization, your donations are not deductible, but they will be very helpful and greatly appreciated.

I look forward to continuing to serve this community wherever we may roam.

With gratitude,

Sharon

The Business Aspects of the Closure

Please note that all personal property left at the studio after February 20, 2011 will be considered abandoned. Please take your mats home and be sure to leave each time with your water bottles, clothing, etc.
If you purchased a class package in 2010, it most likely should have expired before February 26, 2011. If you received any kind of personal extension or exception, please note that there will be no way to honor any package purchased in 2010 after February 26, 2011. Please take as many of these classes as possible while the studio is open. There are a few student accounts that will be an exception to this: 1) prenatal packages purchased in 2010 AND 2) students who registered for a winter series that was to run through March. I will personally contact anyone who requires an exception and make arrangements.
If you purchased a class package in 2011, it will remain valid to its expiration date. In a few cases, this will mean using the package for payment of classes at other locations. There will be NO refunds or extensions on these packages for any reason. If you are not able to attend any of the classes that are offered at other locations in March, then any classes remaining after February 26th will be forfeited.
If you purchased a one-time payment, unlimited SALE membership (student or adult) in August 2010, these will be cancelled as of February 26, 2011. Please take as many classes as you can while these memberships are still valid. In most cases, the few holders of these discount memberships have already received excellent value for them.
If you are an unlimited member and are having auto-payments made on your credit card, your final payment will either be in January or in the first 7-days of February depending on your anniversary date. I will cancel all future membership payments. If, for any reason, you are incorrectly charged, you should contact me by phone or e-mail and I will immediately remedy the issue to your benefit.
If you have a Living Social voucher ($10 for 5-classes), you can exchange it at any time before February 26, 2011 for as many classes as you can take before the studio closes or 5-classes, whichever is greater. After February 26, 2011 you should contact Sharon at: sharon@yogamatrika.com to find out how to use the cash value ($10) of your voucher towards currently available yoga services.

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A Great Healing

November 12, 2009

Posted by Sharon

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About 2-weeks ago now, I went to the emergency room in some of the worst pain I have ever been in. The back of my throat was blistered and I had a deep pain in my upper chest. For three-nights I had been up with this terrible pain that did not respond to Ibuprofen or any of the over the counter treatments I had to try. In the emergency room, I was told that I had acid reflux and was given some very powerful medications—-including one that has irreversable neurological problems as one of the common side effects.

I had a suspicion that I actually had a viral infection and made an appointment with acupuncturist Melissa Sokulski at the Birch Center. In addition to the viral infection, I suspected that recent headaches and some of my complaints were related to stress and grief. I had responded well to acupuncture before, so I had high hopes for this treatment and my recovery.

To my absolute amazement, the morning following my treatment, the blisters in the back of my throat were almost completely gone and I had a good sleep. There was obviously a profound shift in my health and well being. The Birch Center is a very comfortable and warm place and does not feel clinical. Melissa provided a unique treatment that was adapted during the treatment based on my response and changes in pulse. There was a great kindness in the entire experience and I highly recommend the Birch Center both for the sweet environment and the obvious technical skill of Melissa Sokulski.

I have a great admiration for healers in all forms—-biomedical doctors, acupuncturists, therapists of body and mind, shamans, nurses—all kinds. There is a certain kind of release that happens when we get the sense that we are in good hands and this peace and trust opens the gate to the healing experience. Part of our yoga practice is being present with both the energetic and the physical body. Disturbances in the energetic body manifest themselves as dis-ease in the physical body and we should actively use our intuition to seek out healing from people that we relate to with a sense of peace.

Pittsburgh is home to many types of healers and we can open to the experience of being healed when we remain open to our intuition and seek healing experieces that are in alignment with our personal truth. While not every healer is the best healer for every person or every problem, I can honestly make this referral to the Birch Center for anyone seeking acupuncture or other alternative treatments. It’s also great to get on the Birch Center newsletter list! The last newsletter had some great information on acupuncture and alternative treatments for H1N1 and for recovery from the flu.

Melissa and David Sokulski, Licensed Acupuncturists
The Birch Center for Health, LLC
1931 East Carson Street, 2nd Floor
Pittsburgh, PA 15203
(412) 381-0116
www.BirchCenter.com
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