integrative health coach | Paper Clay Nature

Here are two common scenarios for me:

Scenario One: A Friend or Client is Stuck

This happens to me a lot and I guess it is an “occupational hazard” of sorts, but people come to tell me their stories when they feel stuck. Many of my clients and students have tried everything, gone to every doctor, had all the tests, done all the treatments and they still don’t have the results they desired or the well-being that they were hoping for. I have friends that tell me about their stuck feelings in jobs, work relationships, personal relationships and just how they feel in their lives at this moment. In many cases, though not all, a path to freedom seems clear to me, the observer. When I first started this work, I was so delighted when I saw such a clear path because I assumed that if I could communicate it, then my clients could folllow my vision and get free fast. But, what I immediately realized is that the clear path has always been present for my friend or client and for some reason, they aren’t going to walk down it. Each of us has to keep putting one foot in front of the other and find that next step on our own. In many ways, this has been my greatest challenge as an integrative health coach—-learning to walk beside my client offering insight and clarity, but not getting so attached to the “results”.

Scenario Two: I Am Stuck

Oh yes, I get stuck in the ditch of life myself quite often. And, when I am down there in the darkness of the ditch, all I want is for someone to yank me out and say, “Girl, THIS is what you have to do right now.” I want someone to provide me with direction, the next step, the right thing to do to get out of the ditch and back on level ground. Except, just as in the case with my clients and friends, I also know that I would be unlikely to just accept and follow that advice, even if some magical force did yank me out of the ditch and tell me what to do. It’s likely that I’m down there in the ditch with a shiny and solid ladder right in front of my face. Why am I not climbing the ladder? I don’t know. Why aren’t you climbing the ladder in front of you? You don’t know.

I AM THE DOOR

We don’t climb the ladder for a lot of reasons, but it is likely because of a spiritual issue, a karmic matter or a soul condition. I don’t like to talk like this because we all want scientifically proven and documented treatments, cures and methods. I don’t like to talk like this because as much as I am confident that it is true, I don’t actually know what it means. All I know is that if you are down in a ditch, that there is a ladder in front of you and you aren’t climbing it because divine order wants you to sit down there a little longer. Who knows “why”? Maybe Divine Order wants you to climb up that ladder at the precise moment that you would meet someone walking along who will change your life in a profound way? Maybe you need to be a certain age or have a certain amount of experience before you can accept what is at the top of that ladder? It’s absolutely maddening to be in relationship with someone who isn’t climbing their ladder. You know the friend I’m talking about, the friend who does nothing, day in and day out, but complain about their awful job, but they haven’t even dusted off the old resume to even consider a new job search. Or, whatever it is…….joyless lovers, sullen sisters, tempestuous rascals….ditch dwellers! All of them!

That’s why I can’t shout enough about how much I love, adore, admire and am inspired by these church doors in Philadelphia! The ones that say, as if these red doors weren’t flipping obvious enough even to the legally blind, I AM THE DOOR. Just in case you were wondering how to get in there, the path to God, to figuring out your relationship with the Divine with a capital “D”, you FOOL with a capital “F”—-I AM THE DOOR. Because, this is the nature of the human condition. The human condition is that all that we need is right in front of us, but we need to walk through the door, we need to take action.

The key though is not to think that the fact that the door is obvious makes it “easy” to walk through it. If we aren’t ready, we can walk in and out of the doors as much as we like, but we will still feel stuck. They key is being open to inspiration, transformation and the energetic shift required to open to joy. This is the radical reason why we don’t do anything that is good for us. I tell people I’m a yoga teacher and they generally have one of three responses:

Oh, I’m not flexible. I can’t even touch my toes! I can’t do yoga.
Oh, yoga……I NEED yoga. I should do yoga. Really, I am supposed to do yoga.
I love yoga. I take yoga classes all the time.

Yoga IS a transformative practice. For the record, you don’t need to be flexible and touching your toes is neither a measurement of general flexibility nor relevant to the practice of yoga. But, the second response is interesting because it means to me that the person talking knows on some level that practicing yoga would be transformative for them, but they don’t do it. They are choosing not to walk through the door. The unlocked door just sits there, closed in the cobwebs of their conciousness, but they aren’t going to approach it and open the door. They don’t want to know. “Knowing” doesn’t solve any problems and it might just create additional ones. Yes, doing yoga can cause a lot of problems. Walking through the door, coming up on the ladder—it’s messy, ugly and potentially going to rock the quiet little rowboat of your life.

My favorite is when people tell me that they “can’t meditate” because as soon as they sit down their mind starts to race. News flash! You know what this means? It means that your mind is CONSTANTLY racing and you are just letting the distractions of life keep you from this fact. Your mind didn’t start racing when you sat down, it’s just that you finally took a moment to observe your mind. That racing mind of yours is causing all kinds of problems for you under the surface. And, I’d venture a guess that it is causing all kinds of problems for you in your relationships, at work, with your diet and with your satisfaction with life. You are eating when you aren’t hungry, making agreements you don’t agree to, buying things you don’t really want or need, signing gym contracts when you’ll never see the inside of that locker room, going on that second date with that guy who had too many drinks on your first date but you are really hoping it isn’t a problem and yet you know that it IS a problem…………..Yes, I’m suggesting that you sit there all uncomfortable with your mind racing and your stomach in knots and your shoulders all tied up and tense around your ears and your breath shallow and unsatisfying in your chest. Just sit there and suffer. Because that suffering is your door. You can’t medicate it, avoid it, distract yourself from it, circumambulate it—all you can do is be with it. Go through it. See it. It’s just as obvious as the fact that the red door is the door, yet that church leadership knows that they need to make it plain and simple regardless of how obvious it is.

I AM THE DOOR.

Written by Sharon Fennimore, a rogue anthropologist based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I love to travel, take walks and seek inspiration in my environment. When I find something interesting, I share it on my blog and Facebook page: Pilgrimage Pittsburgh.

There is a short essay by Brian Doyle in the March 2016 issue of The Sun literary magazine titled, “The Way We Do Not Say What We Mean When We Say What We Say” (page 23) that suggests that, “Perhaps languages invent themselves and then have to hunt for speakers.” When I read this, it made me think of a poem by Hafiz:

Your Beautiful Parched, Holy Mouth

A poet is someone
Who can pour Light into a spoon,
Then raise it
To nourish
Your beautiful parched, holy mouth.

(Translated by Daniel Ladinsky and found on page 59 of “I Heard God Laughing” 2006)

Many of you who have studied with me know of my fascination with the Matrika, the vibration of truth that finds its home in the central energetic channel of the subtle body. It is the vibration of that which is most true and each of us has a unique symphony, that the human ear can never hear, yet is playing within us since the moment of our conception. This truth, one that we can never speak with our mouths, is vibrating in every cell of the body. We know that we are in alignment with this vibration of truth when we experience well-being, peace and a calm sense of purpose. When we are out of alignment with our Matrika, we feel anxious, worried and find ourselves in comparison with others and failing to recognise our gifts and contributions to the life force around us. For, the magic of Matrika is that all living beings are vibrating with their own symphony. When we witness someone who is intimate with their Matrika, we have a sense of their peace and it is a beautiful thing to see and feel.

Lissa Rankin, in her profound book, The Fear Cure, says that, “According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 80 percent of visits to the doctor are believed to be stress-related. Yet …what is ‘stress’ if not fear, anxiety, and worry dressed up in more socially acceptable clothing?” (pg. 11, 2015). If friend asks us how we are doing, claiming we are “busy” or “all stressed-out” are not only socially acceptable, they are badges of being “responsible”, “productive” and “active”. What would happen if we told the truth? What if we said, “Well, I had a really nice breakfast and my kids are healthy, but I can’t escape this terrible nagging fear that I’m not living my best life and I’m simply terrified of everything, all the time!”. If you were in alignment with your personal sense of truth, you would not worry, would not rush, would not feel a sense of loss even when everything around you is “ok”.

So, we medicate our anxiety with diets. Food diets that support our greatest health and help us obtain our “ideal weight”. Organization diets that support us in our scheduling, sorting, managing our stuff and our time. Relationship diets that help us know what it is ok to ask for from our partners and what makes us selfish or unlovable and instruct us in how to schedule social time, date nights and be a really wonderful parent at the same time. Beauty routines, exercise routines, and self-control so that we get enough sleep and wear just enough make-up to look alive enough to be “presentable” and we walk around like we are about to fall apart, but the package sure looks nice. As Ben Franklin said, “Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.”. For many of us, hours, days and weeks….years!…go by and we are just trying to “get by” or “fake it until we make it”. I’m no exception.

I will say that my yoga and meditation practice, over the last twenty-years, has become a barometer of my alignment with my Matrika. I can tell when I need to attune to my inner guidance and find a more open ear for divine guidance. I watch for patterns, repetitions, chance meetings and shifts in my energy, weight, flexibility and experience. I notice my sensitivities to touch, smell and temperature. If I start to have any physical symptoms, then I pay attention without judgment. I go to places where they sell herbs, teas and supplements and I see what makes me curious and asks me to pull it from the shelf. Just yesterday I bought some kukicha (twig tea) that I haven’t had in years and having a cup this morning it felt like my feet were more firmly planted on the earth. Why twig tea? Why now? It doesn’t matter. If it feels good, tastes good, smells good, then I say, “More please and thank you.”. I start to eat by desire and I pick out the vegetables that seem bright and joyful, try out a new cookbook that happens to catch my eye at the library. I try to spend more time with people who are inspiring and less time with those who drain my energy. Basically, I sense into what I need to move forward in alignment with my purpose and true path.

What language has put its words in your mouth? What scent, taste or environment is calling out to you? What people and foods nourish you? Say yes to what brings you joy and you will find yourself in greater and greater attunement to your Matrika. If you are so lost that you don’t know anymore where the words you say orignated and you can’t taste your food and you can’t feel your joy, then do not despair! For me, the first step to tuning back inwards is through movement. I choose yoga and walking. I love to swim and to dance, but these aren’t always possible. I can do yoga and walk pretty much anywhere. When I move, my thoughts roam freely without my judgement or commentary for my interior narrator. After I move, I usually have a lot more thoughts about what I like or want more of. I don’t pressure myself to take action. Sometimes I just let the idea sit out there as a reminder that I have choices, that I have preferences, that I am a person who knows how to access joy and creativity when the time is right. I’ll tell you, I’ve got an idea in my mind these days that I’d like to go to Portland, Maine. I’ve never been there, but it has been calling to me. There’s an aromatherapy workshop I would like to go to this summer in New York. It’s kind of expensive and it’s before my kids are out of school, so it’s not convenient or probable, but it is out there. Even if I never go to Maine or take the workshop, having these ideas help remind me of who I am.

Many of my clients come to me because they have lost this ability to dream, to desire, to open to the languages that wish to come to them. I have sought out mentoring, training and counseling for this very reason myself. Sure, we could put a label on “it” and call it depression or “the sadness” (as I like to call mine sometimes), but it’s really when the weight of ourselves, our lives, our fears and the desires and wants and judgments of others and ourselves has gotten so heavy that it has blocked the light. The sound of our own personal symphony is muffled or stamped out. But it can’t be stamped out forever. Our Matrika is, in fact, infinite. Our Matrika is patient. Our Matrika will wait for you to step outside and walk around the block, to daydream, to write some words on paper, to color something, to imagine, to get on the plane, to say the “no” that really means “YES” to something else that you really, really, really want. It’s like that brilliant Jim Carrey movie (2008), “Yes Man” where he has to say “YES” to everything.

I hope you sip the light from your spoon soon my dear!

Written by Sharon Fennimore, a yogini teaching yoga, meditation and providing integrative health coaching services to women and families with young children based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Sign up for my newsletter and get FREE membership in my online community “Make Room” where you will get all the support you need to clear emotional and physical clutter.

Tag: integrative health coach

I Am The Door

Say What You Mean