As my yoga studio is inspired by the Matrikas, fierce and intelligent women who held their own in battle and were equally talented at compassion and grace, I feel the call to comment.  The reality is that I do not know the details of theses cases and I am well aware that child abuse and neglect is a terrible social problem.  Even the term “social problem” puts a rather sterile label on what must be a terrible and soul shattering experience for our youngest community members.  Yet, I’m not sure what the benefit of these new stories could possibly be and would be interested in a news feature that reveals the struggles of young mothers living in a society that, regardless of rhetoric, does little to support parents and families with young children.

I assure you that the two year old running around the street in a diaper could have been mine and it could have been yours.  Is there a mother out there that hasn’t been so exhausted that they had to take a nap?  I’m not talking about exhausted like, “Gee, I could really use a nap.”  I mean, mother exhausted—-as in, “This body is not going to do one more thing.  Game over.”  It’s not beyond my imagination that I could have plunked my toddler in front of Sesame Street on a hot summer day in nothing but a diaper and lay down for a few minutes to, as my mother used to say, “rest my eyes.”  And, it’s not beyond my imagination that, while I rested, my toddler could have let the cat out and then, realizing that he could open the door, run outside to chase the cat.  It didn’t happen, but it could have.  Would it have made me a bad mother?  Should I be arrested?  Or, was I just an exhausted mother who, in desperation, made a poor decision?  In none of the stories that I saw featured this summer was a father chased down (Maybe no one knows where he is?  Who he is?) with reporters screaming at him as he sobbed, “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” I’d like to ask the same of the reporter.

Again, it may just be that the cases featured in the news are situations where there has been gross neglect and abuse of the child.  If these cases have now come to the attention of providers of services for children and families that can support and benefit these children, then I am relieved and hope that there is some relief for everyone involved.  But, from the way these mothers are demonized, it seems to me that the very person who has stuck around and done their best and could benefit the most from support and guidance isn’t going to get it.  Quality childcare is expensive and mothers who do not work outside the home and care day in and day out for their young children have very little opportunity for respite on demand.  Family leave is only granted to working women who have worked for their employer for a certain number of days (in many cases, a years worth of days) and who work for companies with more than 50 employees.  Even so, the leave is without pay and many new mothers are forced to negotiate childcare during an already exhausting and overwhelming time. For parents who are juggling more than one job and daycare and night care (yes, there is such a thing), it may be that there is absolutely no opportunity for sleep.

It’s not just poor, young, single and uneducated women who find themselves in difficult situations without childcare.  Even more mature mothers with years of over-education and shiny looking CV find themselves trapped between work and family.  Just this past spring my young child was too sick to go to school and I was up with him sick the entire night.  My husband was up too, but then had to leave for work at 5:30 am.  I tried to find someone to cover me at the studio and teach my class, with with less than 2-hours notice and so many of my teaching team also being the mothers of young children, no one could do it.  So, I brought my son to work with me and tried to teach the yoga class with him there.  That day, I received a gift from my community.  I taught the class and was interrupted a few times—including one interruption that included a rather loud request that I help him in the POTTY.  During the class, all of my students were kind and generous and seemed to dedicate themselves to a rather disorganized practice with incredible sweetness.  After class, I sent out an apology e-mail expressing my gratitude and indicating that the class was offered without charge due to the conditions.  In response, every single student from that class sent me a beautiful and honest e-mail about how it wasn’t necessary and that they were happy to support me as a mother.  One even claimed that she was delighted to note that she smiled more in that particular class than usual.  Can you imagine?  Sure, you can shake your head and say, “Well, of course, it was a bunch of hippies doing yoga!  Of course they were generous.”  But no, instead I would like you to see this as an example of the incredible impact of an act of generosity and kindness towards a mother of a young child—–a married, older mom with a small business and an Ivy League education. This is the beauty of an intentional community and I am forever grateful to my community and their ability to release their own expectation of what the yoga class was supposed to be for them in order to make it a gift to me and my family.

Rather than demonize mothers, I invite us to consider how we can, each of us, extend kindness to mothers, fathers, families and adults who work with young children.  What may seem like a small act of kindness can have a huge impact on the life of a young child and family.  Please, do not be shy!  Even an offer of help, an extension of human generosity and kindness can make a huge impact.  When you see a mother with a young child screaming, instead of looking away or feeling annoyed, get closer and ask if there is anything you can do to help or just acknowledge that you know it is difficult, but it will pass and that they are doing a great job.  If you are an aunt, cousin, uncle, grandfather, friend and you can, offer to watch baby for an hour so mom can rest or take a shower or eat a meal in peace.  Bring a pizza by or offer a young family a covered dish or special treat. One of my yoga students and friends recently offered to bring a meal to my house when she found out that I was sick.  I didn’t take her up on it, but it was such a relief to know that if I had needed it, that there was that support there.

As individuals, we can have a huge impact by reaching out and offering compassion and empathy with exhausted parents and families that are under the stress of unemployment, too many jobs, financial concerns, fragile and expensive childcare situations and more.  We don’t have to make huge donations or stay awake at night wondering how we can save all the neglected children of the world.  Instead, we can offer the mothers and fathers that we meet encouragement and support—-be the friend and neighbor with the meal, with an hour or two to spare or just a set of kind eyes at the grocery store.

Although I am tempted to point a finger and extend a big “shame on you news media,” to the news services that provide the fuel to flame these stories of Pittsburgh’s demon mothers, instead, I invite them to do the right thing.  Why not report of the childcare problems that families with young children face during the summer when school is out?  Why not report on childcare, family leave, and the struggles created by our failure as a society to make supporting families a priority?  Why not talk about poverty, about mothers struggling to raise children alone, about mothers and fathers who struggle to negotiate work and childcare?  Why not talk about countries all over the world that provide for extended maternity leave, subsidized childcare and respite for young families? Why not feature communities and individuals who dedicate their lives to supporting families with young children?

Posted by Sharon Fennimore Rudyk, the owner of Yoga Matrika, a yoga studio in a most supportive community for mothers in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: http://www.yogamatrika.com.

Even better, you can make a donation and download her recent CD that happens to have been mastered by LURCH.  So yeah, we keep it in the family, but we’re also willing to share.  Shows so special, I’m getting a babysitter—so meet me there :).

See you at the Shadow Lounge this Saturday!

This practice DVD with Shiva Rea is my first choice for expectant moms who want to practice prenatal yoga at home.  Sure, you could complain about the cheesy music and the voice-over, but the ideas are lovely and the practice is appropriate for all levels.  I also like to recommend this DVD because I know that Yoga Matrika moms will be familiar with most of the exercises from our classes together and because it is very easy to obtain through the library, Netflix has it and can be purchased just about anywhere that DVDs are sold.

Price: $12.46 (NEW)

Here is a link to purchase on Amazon.com.

This isn’t a prenatal yoga practice DVD, but I think that this is a quality home workout program for expectant moms that want to stay fit and need the inspiration and guidance of a DVD.  Staying fit during pregnancy is important and  this is enjoyable, appropriately challenging and a great complement to a more restorative home yoga practice. It seems to me that toddlers and preschoolers might have fun doing this workout with mom, so this may be an ideal home exercise video for expectant moms who have other children in the house.  You can all exercise together!

Price: $12.99 (NEW)

Here is a link to purchase on Amazon.com.

Gurmukh is so beautiful, radiant and joyful, that I recommend this DVD to all pregnant women.  The practice is different from what we normally do at Yoga Matrika, but Gurmukh explains all of the exercises very clearly.  The set for the DVD is actually beautiful and there are some wonderful and fun options for dancing and meditation on this DVD that make it unique from other options.  Gurmukh’s language is empowering and this is a significant practice that will have a profound impact on your experience of pregnancy and birth.  This is not a Vinyasa flow or traditional Hatha practice–it is Kundalini yoga, so moms who practice at Yoga Matrika will probably need to adjust their expectations.  But, it is worth the learning curve as you will FEEL the benefits of this practice immediately.  I also recommend Gurmukh’s book for pregnancy and have provided a link below.

Price: $17.00 (NEW)

Here is a link to purchase on Amazon.com.

Here is a link to information on Gurmukh’s book.

Posted by Sharon Fennimore Rudyk, Owner and Director of Prenatal and Postnatal programs and teacher training at Yoga Matrika in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

So, in honor of this holiday of independence, I give you this short home-practice that fosters inter-dependence and helps us to find peace in our relationship to the earth and to one another.  Peace and love to everyone in the extended Yoga Matrika community–ENJOY!  This is designed to be a very simple and mindful practice that is appropriate for everyone, but please be careful and if you have any concerns about practicing yoga, wait and talk with a teacher first.

Step 1:  Grounding, Establishing our Relationship to the Earth (Vertical Relationships)

Find a place outdoors to stand (if you need to, please feel free to practice sitting in a chair) in your bare feet (ideally) or indoors if weather or environment requires it.  Stand in Mountain pose with your feet hip-width apart.  Legs are strong, but relax a bit through the knees.  Roll your sitting bones under you and lengthen through the sides of the body.  Roll your shoulders back slightly and let them drop down away from your ears.  Stretch the crown of your head towards the sky.

Bring your awareness to your feet.  Notice the weight of your body pressing down on the earth through the soles of your feet.  Then, shift so that you bring your awareness to the pressure that the earth is exerting up into the soles of your feet.  As you inhale deeply, focus on the weight of your body connecting with the earth.  As you exhale all the air out of the body and the energy rises out through the crown of the head, feel the energy of the earth rising up through your feet through the entire body.

You can do this for as long or as little as you like, but I recommend 3-5 minutes.  At the end of your grounding meditation, do some gentle stretching.  Inhaling, reach your arms over head and stretch—-come up onto your toes if balance isn’t a problem for you.  Explore your relationship to the earth and sky.  Inhale stretch and reach.  Exhale and release the stretch.

Step 2: Relax the Spine and Explore the Horizontal Relationship to the Earth

Come down onto the ground on your hands and knees.  As you inhale, open your heart, let your belly drop towards the earth and stretch your sitting bones back behind you (wise cow).  As you exhale, round through the spine, spreading the shoulder blades and bringing your chin towards your chest (cat).  Continue on in this movement for 6-8 repetitions of Cat/Cow.  Inhaling and opening the heart and exhaling and rounding the spine.

After these repetitions, come into Child’s Pose and hold it for 2-3 minutes.

Step 3: Stretch the Hips and Groin in a Seated Pose (Cobbler’s Pose)

Sit here for at least one minute, but preferably 2-3 minutes.  Breathe deeply into the body and feel the connection between your pelvis and the earth beneath you.  As you exhale, feel the energy rise from the base of the spine up through the crown of your head. Feel open and confident.

Step 4: Explore the Back Body and the Legs with Head to Knee Pose

Relax through your shoulders, face, neck and jaw and just allow gravity to do the work.  You should feel a nice stretch through the sides of the back and the leg, but do not strain to touch your toes.  Actually, do not strain at all.  Allow this stretch to be pleasurable and be curious about sensation in your body as you stretch and breathe.

Step 5: Happy Baby

Have fun!  Wiggle your toes.  Roll around and move and smile.  There you go!

Step 7: Savasana

Do not skip this pose.  Find a comfortable place to lie down and just be present for your thoughts, for your breath, for your feelings and body.  Try not to judge and just BE for 5 to 10 minutes.

1	Tadasana Mountain Pose
2	Bitilasana Cow Pose
3	Marjaryasana Cat Pose
4	Baddha Konasana Bound Angle Pose
5	Janu Sirsasana Head-to-Knee Forward Bend
6	Ananda Balasana Happy Baby Pose
7	Savasana Corpse Pose
Yoga Journal Sequence Builder, Patent pending This sequence designed by Sharon Rudyk, Owner and Director of Yoga Matrika.  You can design your own sequences at Yoga Journal online.  We hope you’ll stop by our beautiful studio in Squirrel Hill, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania sometime soon.

Please, forgive me, but this is side splitting hilarious if you are a Conan the Barbarian fan.  If you are not, then this clip includes some violent scenes from the film and you might want to skip it.  Play this video for Conan the Barbarian THE MUSICAL

The issue in the article, in case what I have already said has infuriated you or led you to believe that you don’t want to or just can’t read any further, is that the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops have made a clarification on abortion.  Direct abortion is when you terminate a pregnancy for the only purpose of terminating the pregnancy. In summary, direct=bad, very bad, super bad.  Indirect is when a pregnancy is terminated in order to save the life of the mother.  In summary, indirect=bad, very bad, super bad, but allowable in extraordinary circumstances.

When I read this, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.  Part of me wanted to laugh out loud thinking about all the meetings and arguments of the men in charge as they debated the difference between direct and indirect abortions.  Seriously, any woman who has ever been pregnant and any man who has ever known a pregnant woman knows that this kind of dialogue fails to reflect the mysteries of the whole situation, never mind the realities of pregnancy, miscarriage and abortion.  Certainly, any family that has faced the terrible situation of weighing the continuation of a pregnancy vs. the life of the mother, wife, daughter, WOMAN, would assure all of us dear readers that there is no worse hell imaginable.  Considering the state of health care for women in the United States, this type of dialogue also seems to steal the stage from the more banal and everyday questions of health for women—not just our reproductive status, but our hearts and minds.  Why isn’t the leadership group of any religion focused on addressing the incredible health disparities in our country?  Why is the maternal and infant mortality rate so very high here in the United States when we have the resources that we have?  Another part of me wanted to cry because these men, men who have made a significant lifetime commitment to their spiritual practice and service of their communities, have missed something important—-how could time invested in this madness ever produce a more positive human experience for anyone?  How is this in service of God? While I imagine that those who feel differently about the issue at hand than I do would be delighted to tell me with great passion about how this is very much so in service, it still seems a fair question—at least philosophically, if not otherwise.

How is this related to yoga?  This is yoga.  A very wise and brilliant student at Yoga Matrika recently communicated her revelation that what happens in her life is her practice.  What happens on her yoga mat is just a trial run.  What we realize through yoga practice is that just when we think we have the answer, the game shifts.  Life is like being invited onto Jeopardy and practicing for months only to find yourself, with no notice, as a contestant on Wheel of Fortune!  Direct or indirect, perhaps we can just use this as a public example of what happens when we use our brains to attempt to find logic in what we need to bring our higher intelligence to.

I invite you to read this article and think of a time when you struggled to make logic of a situation in which there is no logic.  Thinking back on this time, see if you can now, even with hindsight, go back to the process and use your deeper intelligence to make peace.  To do this, sitting on a chair with your feet firmly planted on the floor or in a comfortable seated pose on the ground gently create distance between your lowest rib and your hips.  As you feel the sides of your body lengthen, bring your navel center over your pelvis.  This allows your pelvis to support your enteric nervous system—-otherwise known as your gut.  Now, bring your heart over your navel.  This allows your heart to be supported by your instincts.  Now, gentle tuck your chin towards your heart so that your neck lengthens and you relax your facial muscles.  This allows your brain to be supported by your intuition and your heart.  Watch your breath for a few moments and feel the peace that comes from equanimity.  Even if it is just for a moment.  Isn’t it a relief to take the world off your shoulders?  Now, breathe this sense of peace and calm to everyone in the world.  Let us all heal and put our energy into work that benefits the health and wellness of all living things.

Catholic Bishops Clarify Abortion Definitions in Light of Ariz. Case

June 28, 2010 — The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops‘ Committee on Doctrine released a statement last week clarifying how the church classifies direct abortions and indirect abortions, the Arizona Republic reports.

The statement refers to a recent case in which Sister Margaret McBride, an administrator at a Catholic hospital in Arizona, was excommunicated for her role in authorizing an abortion to save a woman’s life. The statement did not review the particulars of the case or take a position on the excommunication; instead, it said USCCB wanted to clarify “confusion” about the church’s stance on abortion.

According to the Republic, the church condemns direct abortion — meant to terminate a pregnancy — but permits indirect abortion — in which fetal death is a secondary effect of another necessary procedure — in some cases, such as a hysterectomy to treat uterine cancer. “As the church has said many times, direct abortion is never permissible because a good end cannot justify an evil means,” the statement said, adding, “There are no situations in which it can be justified.”

The statement “appears to confirm” the Phoenix bishop’s classification of the Arizona case as a direct abortion, the Republic reports (Clancy, Arizona Republic, 6/25). In the case, the young mother of four was 11 weeks pregnant and had pulmonary hypertension, a rare condition in which continuing the pregnancy often jeopardizes the life of the woman. Physicians concluded that the placenta had to be removed to prevent the patient from dying (Women’s Health Policy Report, 6/9).

Posted by Sharon Rudyk, owner of Yoga Matrika http://www.yogamatrika.com

Recently, we checked out The Greatest Intergalactic Guide to Space Ever by the Brainwaves from our local library.  The illustrations by Lisa Swerling and Ralph Lazar are imaginative and, quite frankly, hilarious.  The book is a brilliant collection of facts about space and it is everything that I had hoped my college course on astronomy would be, but without the physics.

Then, on page 25, I read something that awed me and put me in touch with a sense of wonder and wonderment that made me kiss my sleeping blondie on his little head before I continued my new favorite book:

“The Sun is mostly hydrogen and helium, but it also includes small amounts of other elements.  Earth formed close to the Sun from the same cloud of matter.  Humans are material made from Earth’s elements, so everything in our bodies was once a star.”

Just in case you didn’t catch it—–EVERYTHING YOU ARE MADE OF WAS ONCE A STAR!  Now, I’d heard something similar in some yoga or energy text that suggested that our bodies are made up of the same elements that stars are made of, but this is something different entirely because it creates a chronology.  The statement in this children’s book suggests a past for all of us, a past when our parts were shining clouds of matter in the night sky.  This idea is at once humbling and liberating.

No matter what kind of yoga you practice, the foundation of the practice is a kind of mindfulness that becomes available when we focus the mind and acknowledge the constant stream of thoughts that so many of us make the mistake of identifying with.  Maybe that stream slows down somewhat with time and practice, but for many of us, what we can obtain in this lifetime is just an awareness.  In many classes, the smallest element that we break our awareness into is the cell.  What I would like to suggest is that, based on this idea that our most elemental parts were at one time a star, we spend some time in meditation getting in touch with our inner star.

The first step, and perhaps the most challenging, is to release our physical body—the body of organs and bones and blood and guts.  Especially if you are in pain, this may be a considerable challenge.  But, to give it a try, just lie on your back and systematically relax from your toes to the crown of your head.  Then, just wait for your breathing to naturally slow down and become shallow.  Don’t rush it or try to control the breath.  Just lie there until you feel everything slow down.

The second step would be to watch the transitions of the breath.  Focus on the space where the in-breath becomes the out-breath and the out-breath becomes the in-breath.  If you lose your focus, just return to it whenever you realize that you’ve drifted.  If you constantly lose focus, then you can try to add counting—-count your inhale (1) and then just listen to the sound of your exhale, count your inhale(2) and then listen to the exhale and so on until you count to ten.  Anyone who has tried this before knows that you will probably get lost before you reach ten, but just keep it up and return to one when you realize you are lost.

The third step is starting to feel the way that energy is moving through your body.  There is no right or wrong answer.  Bring your mind’s eye to your navel and just see how energy is moving from your center to the periphery.  Maybe your center feels numb—that’s interesting!  Maybe you can only feel your right side—that’s interesting!  Please try not to make judgments.  Instead, just be incredibly curious.

Finally, start to feel the pulse of energy through the body and give that pulse a golden light.   When you feel the energy rise, feel yourself glow.  When you feel the energy start to wane, then feel a complete release as your light dulls a bit.  Just pulse energy and light like this for as long as you wish, until you fall asleep or until you wake up.

Confirmed by a children’s book—-you ARE a star!

REFERENCES

Stott, Carole
The Greatest Intergalactic Guide to Space Ever by the Brainwaves.  London; New York:DK Publishers, 2009.

Posted by Sharon Fennimore Rudyk, Owner and Director of Yoga Matrika, a lovely little studio in the Squirrel Hill neighborhood of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: 6520 Wilkins Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15217.  Contact information for Sharon is available on the website: http://www.yogamatrika.com.  Please feel free to share and re-post, but be kind and give credit back to the Yoga Matrika blog and Sharon. Namaste!

Considering the fact that over 21 million American children are being raised in single parent homes and over 84% of these single-parent homes are being facilitated by mothers, it seems that having someone to buy a father’s day card for has become somewhat unique.  To summarize, 26% of American children do not have regular contact with their fathers.  From the cards on display, it would also appear that the fathers who do stick around, are fools. Perhaps, even worse than fools.  These are unkempt fools who like to golf.  Today, I received a promotional e-mail from Organic Bouquet that offered 15% off their selection of Father’s Day gift section.  The gift section included some very expensive items like an olive tree, bonsai and a wall hanging of a brown fish that said “GONE FISHING.”  The less expensive items were cookies in the shape of backyard barbecue foods.  The discount could not be applied to any of the beautiful flower arrangements that this company offered for sale.  No, the discount was on this ridiculous selection of man-gifts—-over-priced olive trees and hot dog shaped cookies.

Can you imagine?  “Here honey, give this olive tree to Daddy—yes, he’s on the couch where he always is—-and, include this card of the fat man that makes a farting noise when you open it.  He’s just going to be so happy!”

Honestly, if this is fatherhood, is it really a club you want to belong to?  Sounds to me like a job with low expectations and no benefits.  As a society, we need to re-imagine fatherhood so that it is a role that men can see themselves playing and that we aren’t embarrassed to ask them to play.  In my role, facilitating Dynamic Childbirth workshops—–yoga-based childbirth preparation workshops for pregnant women and their birth partners—I meet a lot of men who want to be great partners and great fathers.  As a matter of fact, I know that many of them ARE great fathers and are part of a movement to re-define fatherhood.  Do some of them fish?  Yes, they absolutely do!  Do some of them drink beer, watch tv, play golf and occasionally make poor fashion choices?  Yes, they absolutely do!  Is this what defines them?  No, absolutely not.

These fathers support their partners in pregnancy and childbirth.  These fathers cook all the meals so mom can breastfeed all day and all night.  These fathers wear their babies and sing them to sleep at night and know where the band-aids are and the pediatrician’s phone number.  These fathers wake up at 2:00am and rush feverish babies with croup to the emergency room.  These fathers teach their daughters how to go down the slide feet first and push their sons on the swing.  These are fathers who share themselves and their interests with their children by taking them camping, to their favorite farmer’s market and the record store.  These fathers play musical instruments, have a love of film, poetry, good books or an interest in horror movies—–whatever it is, they are interested in something and they show their children what is possible in the world from a different perspective from their partner.  These fathers show their children that compassion, responsibility and generosity are excellent qualities in a man.

So, I’d like to thank my father for giving me the gift of music, adventure and for always making sure that I had the tools of the trade—a Swiss Army Knife, comfortable shoes and a calling card.  And, after my son was born, thank you to my father for bringing food by every night so I didn’t have to worry about making meals.  Thank you to my step-father for learning how to defrost breast milk.  Thank you to my grandfather for loving my grandma so very much and making your children and family a priority.  Thank you for being the one who didn’t mind if I wore tops that didn’t match my bottoms, for not liking my boyfriend, for helping me move in and out of countless apartments and college dorms and for picking me up from that party in the middle of the night because my ride was drunk and never, never, ever saying anything about it.

Thank you to all the fathers out there who we would be embarrassed to give these silly cards to.  This Father’s Day, let’s forget the olive tree and the ridiculously-shaped cookies and make our own cards.  Let’s create an Ode to Fathers that reflects their true gifts and the sacrifices and commitments that they make to be great Dads.  May our collective Ode be a part of a revision of American fatherhood that is inspiring and meaningful.

References:
United States. Census Department. Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007. By Timothy S. Grall. Census, 2009. 26 Feb. 2010 [http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/p60-237.pdf].